Monday, May 4, 2009

So Unfortunate...

We had a very sad day here in Hidden Springs a few weeks ago. A neighbor two houses down from us died from breast cancer. They're a very private family and I didn't know them well other than they have four absolutely adorable kids. Two of the girls come to our house a few times a week and take our dogs for a walk. Their mother home-schooled them and they are just all-around sweet children.

The part I continue to struggle with is that she probably didn't have to die. Evidently, she knew quite a long time ago she was sick but chose not to go to see a doctor. I don't know if they just don't believe in doctors, if it's a religious thing, or something spiritual. I certainly don't want to judge them for their decision. But, I have to admit a part of me is angry. Angry because those four children now have no mother. The children lost someone who was their best friend, their teacher, and basically she was their life. It breaks my heart that at the age of 42, we lost a woman who probably could have been saved.

From what I've heard, she was sick for a very long time but none of us really knew. We've been taking meals to the family and someone has started a fund to pay funeral expenses and help with other expenses, but as neighbors, we couldn't save her. Could she have been saved if she had sought medical help? I can't help but think so...

9 comments:

kate said...

Wow. That is tragic. Those poor, poor kids, to lose their mother, unneccesarily, so early. What a shame.

cancer mommy said...

I'm so glad to see you posting this. I'm so sad for those girls, but I have been really angry at this woman. I just don't understand it much, either. It seems selfish to me, but I know I don't know the whole story. I think I'm just too close to the BC subject to fully understand that decision.

See you on Saturday!!

Jodi said...

Congratulations on your run sister!

Jenn, I think we all feel the same way but I'm trying so hard to be diplomatic. Even if it's a religious thing, it's beyond my comprehension. Something I guess I could just never understand. I guess if I was an adult with no kids, that's one thing, but to do that when you have children - I'll never understand it...

I'll see you in the sea of pink - somewhere!

Dee said...

That is so hard ! I see Pizzelchick (sp?) is open----if he's working, who takes care of the children?
The girls I've seen are adorable. And your dogs love them too.

Its so good of neighbors to help out, it has to be appreciated by the family. Good for all of you.

Heather said...

Heh...

Well, part of my experience these past few weeks has led me to a deeper understanding of pain and suffering.

None of us will know the extent of her pain, none of us will really understand where she was coming from. None of us will quite grasp whether the decision to let nature takes its course was because she was scared or because she was brave. You're one tough chick, Ma, fighting cancer and beating it twice. But it might also be equally tough making the decision NOT to fight it. Especially since your reaction is probably the one most people will have.

Facing death is terrifying. And, even though it hurts, I think she was a brave woman for facing it the way she did.

As for the kids, I just hope they will remember the good things about their mom. And that they will get through this with the support they need. Life is pain, sometimes. And living it may hurt worse than leaving it.

Just my two cents, having gone through my own recent loss.

tallulah said...

She is the 2nd person with breast cancer that I know of that chose not to fight it the "traditional" way. I feel that wholistic measures do have their place, but fighting cancer with herbs and positive thoughts can have serious consequences. Even though it wouldn't be something I would have chosen, I completely feel that people have a right to choose to live or die or how they go about their life here on earth. Unfortunately, the children have to suffer without her now. That's a hard pill to swallow.

kate said...

So did she go the holistic route, or did she just "do nothing" and presume God would take care of her?

Heather, I have to respectfully disagree. Once you make the choice to become a parent, you have a moral obligation to raise your children. Her kids are going to be damaged for life because their mother didn't do everything she could to be with them as long as possible, whatever her logic.

Jodi said...

I totally agree with you Kate. Our children depend on us and should be able to rely on us until they're adults. Her children are the ones that will suffer because of this. You know if they had been given the choice, they would have asked her to go to the doctor...

From what I understand, they didn't even know she was really sick until a few days before she died.

JACKI said...

I absolutly feel sick to my stomach just thinking of putting my own kids through this. I just don't understand HOW one could make this choice. Her chances of recovery were probably very good. These children do not have a mom now... forever. FOREVER. I have to admit, I find it hard not to think of it as selfish. It's the kids that will suffer forever... not mom. I just will NEVER understand...