I've spent the last few days since I got home from Adam's graduation thinking. As with Jake, I'm proud that my son wanted to join the military.
I think Adam has realized what it really means to have taken such a dangerous job with the Army. I knew all along that it wasn't what I wanted for him, but I had to allow him to make his own decision. With Jake, I know he's as safe as he can be in a war zone. On a base, in a building working intelligence.
With Adam, I don't know how I'm going to cope. I feel like I'm a strong woman but I can't imagine when he is deployed how I'm going to survive every day. I know I will, thousands of other mothers do. I just can't imagine trying to go through every day knowing that my son is on the front lines, being the first to break down doors looking for the enemy. How do you get through something like that?
I suppose I'll have to try and find a support group, I don't think I can do it alone. I know I can't curl up in the fetal position and wait until he comes home - although that's what my mind tells me I want to do. Hopefully he won't be deployed soon. I need time to get my mind in the right place if that's possible.
Meanwhile, I've spent a lot of time this weekend remembering our soldiers and being thankful that there are so many who are willing to volunteer for such dangerous duty. I'm terrified and proud at the same time.
If you have any words of wisdom, I'd love to hear from you.