Well Shoot!

I tend to find that life is much easier to deal with if I ignore anything/anyone that bothers me.  I didn't say it was a healthy solution, but it generally works for me.  However, I don't usually ignore a medical condition.

After my second time with chemo, I noticed that my hands and especially my feet, were always tingling.  Kind of like when your feet fall asleep and then tingle as they come back to life.  Except it was constant.  My hands aren't so bad but my feet have always been quite noticeable.  Lately, they seem to be getting worse with hardly any feeling (yet I can definitely feel the constant tingling).  It's the hardest thing to describe.  They feel numb, yet I can feel almost constant pain in the balls of both feet and the constant tingle.  I was told it was called neuropathy.  I'd just as soon not know what it's called 'cause the less I know about it the better I like it.

Today I bought new slippers and when I tried them on, I scared myself.  I kept trying to cram my foot into a size that I know I always wear, trying to get them all the way on.  I suddenly realized they were on, I just couldn't tell.  I couldn't feel my toes.

Luckily, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.  I started doing some checking and found that quite a few people have what is called Chemo-Induced Peripheral Neuropathy (CIPN).  I had no idea that neuropathy could get worse over the years, in fact, I expected it to get better.

And as for the slippers, I bought them, but I still can't tell if they fit.  I can't tell if they're too tight or too loose.  I wonder why this is happening all of a sudden. 

The doctor had better come up with a solution for this tomorrow as this is totally unacceptable.  I won't tolerate it!

Did I tell ya I'm gettin' new boobs????

On July 31st, my mom and I are going to Toronto. For 5 years, I've had the "freedom" of not having to wear a bra. I have to admit, I like it. However, I don't like the stares and the fact that all I can wear is sweatshirts and too large t-shirts in order to try and hide the fact that I have no boobs.

I've tried prosthetic breasts from some of the stores that carry such things. They're ungodly heavy, they're extremely hot, and they shift - making me wonder if one ends up under my armpit instead of where it's supposed to be - would anyone tell me? For there being SO many women like me who have no boobs - why haven't they come up with something that is better.

So, a year ago, I started doing some research on the internet looking for "custom" breast prosthesis. I found ONE place that makes such a thing. There's a lady in Canada named Irene who started out making facial prosthesis for cancer victims. Then, she discovered people like me who needed services like hers. I'll be working with Irene for 4 FULL days.

On my last appointment with my Oncologist, I told him about my trip to Canada. At first, he was horrified, thinking I had scheduled reconstructive surgery. He told me I was NOT a candidate for it (which I already knew). Then I explained further what it was and now he's fascinated and can't wait for me to get them. He wants me to come in and show him my boobs!

Actually, this is so new and something he's never heard of and so he's really excited to have another option to give to his other patients. (I should have told him I'd show him my boobs if he'd help sponsor my trip - these things aren't cheap!)

So anyway, 4 weeks after I return from Canada, I'll be gettin' my new boobs by FedEx! I can't wait to wear normal clothes again!

If you know a woman who might be interested in Irene's work, her website is http://www.new-attitude-inc.com//?page_id=38. I want every woman like me, who doesn't have the option of reconstruction to know about this wonderful option!

Casting For Recovery

Several weeks ago, I won the cancer lottery. I was one of 14 women chosen to participate in Idaho's first Casting for Recovery. It's a retreat for breast cancer survivors/patients where we spent the weekend learning from some of the most awesome women - not only the basics of fly fishing, but probably even more about ourselves.

As I packed my bag for the trip, I thought (just for a moment), should I pack my fake boobs, as I usually do when I travel. For the first time in 5 years, I thought, nope, hopefully there would be others like me. Even if there weren't, I didn't feel like I would be judged or looked at like "what's wrong with her - or is that even a her?"

Yep, for the first time in 5 years, I felt totally comfortable being me. I wish I could go every year, but there are 14 new deserving women here in Idaho who will have the same opportunity next June to experience total acceptance, learn a little bit about fly fishing (I wasn't good but it was SO much fun!) and meet some of the greatest gals you'll ever know.

The picture on the bottom is a few of us at the pond. The picture on the top is the most awesome group of volunteers (all who fly fish) who were there for everything we needed. These women consisted of nurses, a fishing guide on the Salmon River, businesswomen, a doctor, one of only 7 women in the US who holds the title "Master Fly Fishing Instructor" (although I found it much easier to say "Master Caster", and a Thereapist. (although, when I first saw Jodie and her name tag from across the room, I thought it said "Terrorist" - that kind of scared me...)

So, to all of you - cheers. You will always be one of the most special memories I know I will ever have. Let's get together like we said we would. I'll be sending you all an email one of these days with a date for coffee.