Over the last several weeks I've been taking serious stock of my life and have decided that I desperately need to make some changes. I've been holding so much anger and hostility inside about several issues and I've decided I need to either let them go or fix them quickly so that I can become the person I used to be.
I've looked back at my older blog posts. I loved those days and I hate who I have become. I know that even my own family doesn't want to be around me.
I'm extremely frustrated about Jake and the situation he and his family is in. I have to realize that it will be over in October. I will now look forward to that month and continue to send packages hoping that in some small way they will make a difference and make the time pass easier for him.
I am so extremely pissed about the Peace Officers' Memorial. I resigned from the Board last spring because Idaho State Police has decided that since we couldn't find the original paperwork giving the site to us, that it will never belong to us and that if they ever decide that they need that property "the Memorial will be moved at the expense of the Idaho Peace Officers' Memorial Fund." I have to decide if I want to go to the Governor and the media with this information and see if I can get this changed or if I want to let it go and hope that when I'm gone, someone else will lay in front of the crane so that the Memorial stays where it was built. I'm beginning to think the latter will be more healthy for me.
I have absolutely got to get back to doing things I have always loved. I live in my dream home, married to a man that thankfully gets me - and is willing to put up with the person I have become over the last year. I have to change that because he deserves better.
So, I'm thinking that Linda and I need to start hitting a few auctions, yard sales and estate sales. I want to start buying and selling again. I have the perfect place to have a couple of yearly farm sales and I really want to do that. I'm going to dig out my cross stitch and finish that pin-up cowgirl I started.
I want to focus on the good because I have so much of it in my life. I have a mother that I adore, sisters that crack me up and make me laugh, a brother that means the world to me, in-law kids that are wonderful to my kids who I absolutely love with all my heart.
I'm going to really look forward to my trip to Nevada with mom in March (woo hoo!), having Kevin and Meghan and their kids come out from Missouri in July, and just loving my life.
Bear with me because believe me, I don't like this person any more than you do. I believe I'm on my way though because as Dr. Phil says, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge" and "So how's that workin' for ya?"
Friday, February 22, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
I Can Feel It...
and I don't like it. The feeling of being on the verge of tears at any moment. You know how I don't cry so it's a terrible feeling.
I'll have half the amount of laundry to do and half the house cleaning to do. That seems little comfort.
I know I'll be ok because I've been through this before. It is survivable, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier.
I'm going to miss hearing Adam ask me to make his coffee because "it doesn't taste as good when I make it." I'm going to miss his jokes, his teasing, his freaking awesome sense of humor. I hate thinking about someone else yelling at my son for 12 weeks. I hate that the most. I hate that he won't call every day or be able to email. I hate that my son has grown up.
Yet - I love that my son has grown up. He's such a wonderful young man filled with hope and dreams that I didn't know if he would have when he was going through high school. He never felt like he was "smart" enough to do anything with his life. I take the blame for that. I didn't realize it at the time, but when I was partying with cancer when he was 8 and 9, he was falling behind in math. He was never able to catch up. But, he now feels like he can not only get through boot camp, but also start college when he gets home. He's a good boy and I know he's going to be an awesome man.
I also feel bad that Jake is gone and that worries me too. Not a day comes and goes without thinking about it. Hating it. Yet I remind myself that things could be worse. I know they could.
So, I try to think of spring and nicer weather. Try to think of things I can do for the next 4 months that Adam is gone, and the next 8 months that Jake is gone. Things to fill my time. Maybe I'll take a road trip in the spring. I'll be ok, I know I will - but I did take the last week of this month off to spend time with Adam before he leaves on March 4th - and to cry if I need to, and if I can.
I'll have half the amount of laundry to do and half the house cleaning to do. That seems little comfort.
I know I'll be ok because I've been through this before. It is survivable, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier.
I'm going to miss hearing Adam ask me to make his coffee because "it doesn't taste as good when I make it." I'm going to miss his jokes, his teasing, his freaking awesome sense of humor. I hate thinking about someone else yelling at my son for 12 weeks. I hate that the most. I hate that he won't call every day or be able to email. I hate that my son has grown up.
Yet - I love that my son has grown up. He's such a wonderful young man filled with hope and dreams that I didn't know if he would have when he was going through high school. He never felt like he was "smart" enough to do anything with his life. I take the blame for that. I didn't realize it at the time, but when I was partying with cancer when he was 8 and 9, he was falling behind in math. He was never able to catch up. But, he now feels like he can not only get through boot camp, but also start college when he gets home. He's a good boy and I know he's going to be an awesome man.
I also feel bad that Jake is gone and that worries me too. Not a day comes and goes without thinking about it. Hating it. Yet I remind myself that things could be worse. I know they could.
So, I try to think of spring and nicer weather. Try to think of things I can do for the next 4 months that Adam is gone, and the next 8 months that Jake is gone. Things to fill my time. Maybe I'll take a road trip in the spring. I'll be ok, I know I will - but I did take the last week of this month off to spend time with Adam before he leaves on March 4th - and to cry if I need to, and if I can.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
It's Been a While...
since my last post. Ugh. My daughter-in-law and son bought me an Ipad! I haven't figured out yet how to access being able to post on my blog yet so I'm on my laptop which is hit and miss at best.
We discovered something about a month after moving to Jacob Springs. Well water (or the pipes) stink. Once the water had been running through the pipes for a while, nasty crap seems to build up and so our hot water smells like boiled eggs. Nasty I know. So today we have someone coming to put a filter on and hopefully that will take care of the problem. If not, it could cost about $6,000 to fix it. We may learn to love the smell of boiled eggs!
In other news, 2 nights ago Elmer took the buggy up near the pond and came back walking. Last year it wasn't until March that he started getting vehicles stuck on the property, but this year we're starting early. He was happy to exclaim, "I found a new spring!" Oh shit.
We're absolutely loving it here. We both can't wait until spring. We're ready to start setting fence posts and put in pasture for some critters. Grace wants to raise a 4-H animal so that will be our first priority and I'm ready to start putting in some beautiful flowers and scattering poppy seeds on the hillside. Oh spring, hurry!
I'm missing Jake terribly. I think about him every single day. He's close to half way done with this job and should be home early October. They're going to take a 2 week family vacation to Disney World when he gets back. I'm so glad they have something fun planned.
I've been trying not to think about it, but Adam leaves for boot camp in a month. I hope I don't spend 2 weeks crying about it like I did with Jake. You know I don't cry. I think he's ready for it, but not so sure about me.
I'm heading out to Rendezvous Reclamation today. I'll take pictures and post what I find. Wish I had won the lottery last night...
We discovered something about a month after moving to Jacob Springs. Well water (or the pipes) stink. Once the water had been running through the pipes for a while, nasty crap seems to build up and so our hot water smells like boiled eggs. Nasty I know. So today we have someone coming to put a filter on and hopefully that will take care of the problem. If not, it could cost about $6,000 to fix it. We may learn to love the smell of boiled eggs!
In other news, 2 nights ago Elmer took the buggy up near the pond and came back walking. Last year it wasn't until March that he started getting vehicles stuck on the property, but this year we're starting early. He was happy to exclaim, "I found a new spring!" Oh shit.
We're absolutely loving it here. We both can't wait until spring. We're ready to start setting fence posts and put in pasture for some critters. Grace wants to raise a 4-H animal so that will be our first priority and I'm ready to start putting in some beautiful flowers and scattering poppy seeds on the hillside. Oh spring, hurry!
I'm missing Jake terribly. I think about him every single day. He's close to half way done with this job and should be home early October. They're going to take a 2 week family vacation to Disney World when he gets back. I'm so glad they have something fun planned.
I've been trying not to think about it, but Adam leaves for boot camp in a month. I hope I don't spend 2 weeks crying about it like I did with Jake. You know I don't cry. I think he's ready for it, but not so sure about me.
I'm heading out to Rendezvous Reclamation today. I'll take pictures and post what I find. Wish I had won the lottery last night...
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Jacob Springs Bird Life...
He often sits on top of the chimney to keep warm...
He hit the window and is gathering his senses before he flies.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
32 Years...
Sorry dad, I always write a warm fuzzy to remember you on this day. I've tried for the last 3 days to do one and everything I wrote was either venting frustration or mean spirited. Guess I've hit a rough patch and mom always taught us, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
I love and miss you!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Sleeping Mouse...
We sold our gas dryer last night and finally got it moved off the back porch. Look what I found...
The cute little bugger must be comfortable, he hasn't moved since I saw him last night!
Great Start to a New Year, 2013!
This is how I spent my New Year's Eve...
It doesn't get any better than that.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
2012, My Year in Review...
Every year I end my blog with my favorite posts of the year. If you didn't read last year's - well, shame on you!
I started off my year with a post I wish I hadn't had to make. My son had just returned home from Iraq. It breaks my heart how our government treats our soldiers.
We listed our house again.
My wonderful, dear husband offered to take me on a date - to Chester's Chicken. What a guy.
We sold our house! Finally, we could build on Jacob Springs.
I posted the 25 Things you may not know about me. Probably 25 things you never cared to know but now you do anyway.
My dear, sweet sister-in-law died after fighting for so long with cancer. She was truly one-of-a-kind and we miss her terribly.
I took a minute to remember when Adam and his best friend Ben were young. Now both in the military. I think this was one of my favorite posts last year.
We started construction on the house at Jacob Springs!
I won a few bucks in Wendover to help pay for some things for the house! I also won $5,000 on a lottery scratch ticket.
Nothing but problems with US Bank on building (or TRYING to) the house. Just FYI, we've been trying to get the final appraisal for over 4 weeks now so that we can close on our loan. Yes, we finished construction in early October - still no appraisal. Everybody at this bank blames everybody else. My opinion, I would NEVER recommend US Bank for a mortgage. Losers!
Adam and Ben went to Costa Rica for graduation.
Another Elmer story. They are, by far, my favorites. He sure keeps life interesting! and in the end, we had to call in the big equipment.
On June 15th, we started actual construction on the house. What a ride it's been, but so incredibly worth it.
Days 19-36.
Day 43.
I'm pretty sure I saw a UFO. It was definitely something I couldn't explain.
Day 65.
Linda, Jake and I took all the grandkids camping at Bruneau Dunes. What a hoot. It's definitely going to be an annual event, even if it's just here in the wall tent.
Day 83 at Jacob Springs and Adam was having fun. I loved these pictures.
I wrote a letter to my son Jake before he left for Afghanistan. I miss him so much.
Day 112 - almost there!
We branded the front door and had a party to thank everyone who helped make this home a reality.
We hosted the dessert portion of a progressive dinner for our friends, the Fanters. What a wonderful night.
On 12/21/12 we had a big bonfire and waited for the Mother Ship. Now THAT was fun!
It was a sad year - having Jake leave again. It was a frustrating year with the bank. It was a wonderful year watching as our home was built.
Thank you to all our friends and family for making our lives so enriched. Tad, you built our dream home - and you're still our best friends despite me being on-site practically every day. Mom, you are such a special person - what would our lives be like without you? Adam, you keep me entertained every. single. day. I'll miss you so much when you leave for boot camp. Ival, we've made it 26 years. How we've managed I know we both wonder sometimes - but we are so incredibly blessed with 3 wonderful kids and family and friends that anyone would be lucky to have.
Thank you all for sharing my life.
I started off my year with a post I wish I hadn't had to make. My son had just returned home from Iraq. It breaks my heart how our government treats our soldiers.
We listed our house again.
My wonderful, dear husband offered to take me on a date - to Chester's Chicken. What a guy.
We sold our house! Finally, we could build on Jacob Springs.
I posted the 25 Things you may not know about me. Probably 25 things you never cared to know but now you do anyway.
My dear, sweet sister-in-law died after fighting for so long with cancer. She was truly one-of-a-kind and we miss her terribly.
I took a minute to remember when Adam and his best friend Ben were young. Now both in the military. I think this was one of my favorite posts last year.
We started construction on the house at Jacob Springs!
I won a few bucks in Wendover to help pay for some things for the house! I also won $5,000 on a lottery scratch ticket.
Nothing but problems with US Bank on building (or TRYING to) the house. Just FYI, we've been trying to get the final appraisal for over 4 weeks now so that we can close on our loan. Yes, we finished construction in early October - still no appraisal. Everybody at this bank blames everybody else. My opinion, I would NEVER recommend US Bank for a mortgage. Losers!
Adam and Ben went to Costa Rica for graduation.
Another Elmer story. They are, by far, my favorites. He sure keeps life interesting! and in the end, we had to call in the big equipment.
On June 15th, we started actual construction on the house. What a ride it's been, but so incredibly worth it.
Days 19-36.
Day 43.
I'm pretty sure I saw a UFO. It was definitely something I couldn't explain.
Day 65.
Linda, Jake and I took all the grandkids camping at Bruneau Dunes. What a hoot. It's definitely going to be an annual event, even if it's just here in the wall tent.
Day 83 at Jacob Springs and Adam was having fun. I loved these pictures.
I wrote a letter to my son Jake before he left for Afghanistan. I miss him so much.
Day 112 - almost there!
We branded the front door and had a party to thank everyone who helped make this home a reality.
We hosted the dessert portion of a progressive dinner for our friends, the Fanters. What a wonderful night.
On 12/21/12 we had a big bonfire and waited for the Mother Ship. Now THAT was fun!
It was a sad year - having Jake leave again. It was a frustrating year with the bank. It was a wonderful year watching as our home was built.
Thank you to all our friends and family for making our lives so enriched. Tad, you built our dream home - and you're still our best friends despite me being on-site practically every day. Mom, you are such a special person - what would our lives be like without you? Adam, you keep me entertained every. single. day. I'll miss you so much when you leave for boot camp. Ival, we've made it 26 years. How we've managed I know we both wonder sometimes - but we are so incredibly blessed with 3 wonderful kids and family and friends that anyone would be lucky to have.
Thank you all for sharing my life.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Pioneer Woman's Cauliflower Soup...
Today was a good day for homemade soup and I knew I could count on PW to help me make something yummy. I LOve, loVe, LovE cream-based soup - and I also love cauliflower/ If you want the recipe, here it is.
Oh. my. gawd. Best soup ever.
Thank you PW!
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