Someone I know... is looking for her match. I know she's always been interested in men in law enforcement so I decided to do a search for "law enforcement personal ads". This is what I found, evidently a cop had this posted on a law enforcement chat board.
What a Man's Dating Ad Really Means...
40-ish really means...
52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic really means...
Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking really means...
Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated really means...
Will always treat you like an idiot
Free spirit really means...
Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first really means...
As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun really means...
Good with a remote and a six pack
Good Looking really means...
Arrogant
Honest really means...
Pathological Liar
Huggable really means...
Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle really means...
Insecure, overly dependent
Mature really means...
Until you get to know him
Open-minded really means...
Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
Physically fit really means...
I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
Poet really means...
Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual really means...
Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
Stable really means...
Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful Really means...
Says "Please" when demanding a beer.
Well this just doesn't sound real promising does it????
OH that is so pessimistic!!! It's true, there are a lot of nuts out there, whether in the personal ads or not. You gotta remember, sis, that at our age we can't go to bars to meet people. This really is the only way to go. You just have to know yourself really, really well and know exactly what you're looking for.
ReplyDeleteLook at me and David: I seriously could not have found a more perfect partner to go through the rest of my life with. He is unfailingly tolerant, loving, kind, respectful, evolved, generous, smart and funny. And I never would have met him if not for match.com.
Linda, maybe you should post this on your profile and say "if this is you, don't bother". It would sure weed out the ones you've obviously found so far! Slugs! Rats! Let me come over there and kick all thier asses! These guys need to know who's sister they're dealing with!
ReplyDeleteGolly , none of this sounds very promising for anyone. Good thing I'm not looking. uh, I'll get back to you on this.
ReplyDeleteOK, here's the list for my age:
ReplyDeleteathletic: he can get to the
bathroom with a walker
average looking: his nose and ears have only doubled in size
free spirit: can go out to dinner if you drive
friendship first: he can't get it up and will wait to see if its worth it to invest in viagra
fun: loves to watch Lawrence Welk
good looking: see average looking
huggable: needs someone to lean on
mature: just barely this side of death
open minded: checks his zipper
physically fit: can shuffle a good 10 feet without walker
poet: remembers jokes that start, There was a girl from Nantucket--
stable: invested in a GOOD walker
thoughtful: remembers your name
HOLY CRAP! DID YOU MAKE THOSE UP??? Those are hysterical! Ok Linda, maybe you'd better get right on this - forget about enjoying yourself and finding out who you are! HURRY! There's no time to waste before mom's description is what you'll be finding!
ReplyDeletehahahha
ReplyDeleteMom! Those are GREAT!!
ReplyDeleteIf I did have such a list, I'd never find it . Couldn't remember where it was. So, yes, it came from my little pea brain.
ReplyDelete