I noticed something very interesting from my most recent "getting to know you" blogs with my sisters. When answering the "who would you talk to if you could talk to someone who is dead" I noticed some underlying tension! Even tension we have with our partners parents. Now we all have the right to hang on to any thoughts that we choose to. But here's how I handle things that I don't like.
I don't know anyone who hasn't been screwed up by something that has happened to them in the past by their parents or others. And I don't know anyone who hasn't screwed up their own kids in some way. Seems to be that we don't realize the impact we have on our kids until it's too late. By then, the damage is done and all we can do is admit to it and appologize to them. They really do seem to understand that we did the best we could at the time.
Now a little analagy. I have two fireplaces in my life. One is dark and one is good. I've found that if I take the bad things that happen in my life and stoke the good fireplace with those things, I feel so much better and the heat makes me feel confortable and at peace. The good fireplace continues to burn and keeps me warm and happy. If I hang on to the bad things and stoke the dark fireplace, it continues to burn and I don't like the heat that comes out of it. It gives me no comfort. I know I'll never completely extinguish the coals, they will always be hot. But I take comfort in knowing that it's all up to me to choose whether to take the bad that has happened and will continue to happen, and decide on my own whether I choose to add those things to the good fireplace or continue to fuel the dark one. I hope my kids will do the same.
Me? I'm taking that therapy money and retiring in Belize!
I like your analogy sis! Very well put!
ReplyDeleteThose are the exact words I was thinking. so, what Kate said.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of stoking the good fireplace, but sometimes the bad fireplace takes over and makes me so sad and guilty. Then I force myself to get busy and clean house and think of something beautiful.
And that "something worthwhile" is marvelous therapy !
Sad and guilty? What? You were a great mom and dad was a great dad. Good Gob, if we look at our lives in terms of how we may have affected our kids, we screwed! Besides that, you know we all laugh about the hair brush, etc. Keep stoking that good fireplace! Speaking for myself, I can honetly say I had an AWESOME childhood!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Honey.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think it was spatulas----
plural.
Oh.
ReplyDeleteSee how traumatized I was!
Mom, it's true....I don't know what the heck you have to be sad and guilty about!! The fact that we all 4 survived to adult-hood is a miracle. Lesser mothers would have tied rocks around Linda's (for example...ha!) ankles to teach her how to swim. We all had a great childhoold! Seriously, mom, you were and are an AWESOME, mother...you raised us all essentially by yourself with no support network and, more remarkably, NO HAPPY PILLS. Now stop beating yourself up. Or else! :)
ReplyDelete